


Shut up

by Um_Lol



Series: Myriad Of Emotions (MOE AU) [2]
Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt, Emotionally Repressed, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, Not Beta Read, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, and no most of that isnt normal heather, duke goes through a lot of shit, no mcduke yet cause slow burn TwT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26255590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Um_Lol/pseuds/Um_Lol
Summary: It wasn’t important she told herself. Duke couldn’t shake the feeling off, it was too much for her. She couldn’t ever be seen like this, it was... weak. With thought after thought, she just wished she could shut up.She didn’t get much sleep that night.
Relationships: Heather Chandler & Heather Duke & Heather McNamara
Series: Myriad Of Emotions (MOE AU) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1833244
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Shut up

**Author's Note:**

> Hope ya enjoy this next part! :D

Duke was currently in locked up in her bedroom, getting all worked up over it. She knew it wasn’t true. So why was she here almost crying about it? She felt fine before, what changed? There wasn’t much she could think of, mostly because of the racing thoughts and worries she had in her head. She could only focus on those thoughts, and nothing else.

Her breathing was shallow, and she felt out of it. She was trembling, and she wasn’t sure why. It was weird, since her doubts and worries usually never got this bad. Her stupid anxiety had gotten in the way. She shouldn’t feel like this, her parents told her that all the time. She knew that she shouldn’t have been sad, and that it was stupid for her to feel like this. It was really unnecessary for her to react like that. She should’ve known better, it was taught to her all the time. Why couldn’t she just get over it?

Duke was lucky that it was night, and that her parents and her brother weren’t awake, she couldn’t be caught like this. All vulnerable and _weak._ And as well as that, she didn’t want to get threatened by her mother, that would’ve made everything worse... since her threatening to do _that_ wasn’t ideal. Not that she did it much anymore, but she just didn’t want to anger her mother, after all, she could get snappy sometimes. She just curled up in her bed, and hoped it would go away.

Why was she feeling like this in the middle of the night? She should’ve been asleep, but no, her anxiety had to be an ass. She stared at the ceiling. She relaxed a bit, and wished for some sort of comfort, knowing she wouldn’t get any. It would’ve been stupid for her to call the Heathers, that would just annoy the two of them. She didn’t want to be annoying, and she knew she could deal with it on her own. She had to deal with it on her own. Otherwise she was weak and dumb. She couldn’t be seen like that, not in front of her parents. All of this was stupid, and she should’ve gone to sleep.

But no, she couldn’t. Not for a while at least, since she just had to pick at her imperfections. She eventually fell asleep, mostly sobbing herself to sleep. She was okay, just, took it a bit too much to the heart.

That was normal, _right?_

Yeah, to her eyes it was, but to many others, that was definitely not normal. But, she was going to have to find that out another day. Duke, really wanted to know where all this anxiety came from. It was really stupid and bugging her. There was nothing that was important enough for her to react like this. She constantly had this conflict in her head, of wondering why she was like this.

She eventually closed her eyes, and fell asleep. Ready for the day ahead...

Except, when have things ever been that easy?

She tossed and turned, getting frustrated with how hard this was. Why couldn’t she just fall asleep. For once in her life, Duke agreed with Chandler, and she really wanted to shut up. All her thoughts weren’t seeming to slow down. She got out of her bed, and looked outside the window.

She could see some of the sky was turning a bit blue, since the sun was gonna come out soon. It looked nice, and she could see a lot of stars, and that helped a bit. Looking at the pretty sky was not a bad distraction, and shut her brain up for a while. She was in peace.

Are they really good people? Or are you still thinking that your parents are perfect?

They... were fine in her eyes, she didn’t see much of a problem. That was actually a good question, she’d never really thought about. But for now, she didn’t want to think about it. It would’ve taken too much thinking and looking at the past, which wasn’t something she ever liked to do. She was the kind of person to stay in the present, the future and past always scared her. The past was never going to change, so what’s the point of looking back? Maybe for the occasional good memory, but... there are some things that Duke would never ever want to see again.

But that wasn’t something she needed to worry about right now. She didn’t need more stress. She cleared her head again, and went back in her bed, hoping that she could get some sleep for tomorrow, she didn’t want to go to school sleep deprived. That time she mostly managed to go to sleep, no tears, no worries.

And it needed to stay like that. She had to control herself and not be stupid like that again.

She had to be strong, because that’s just how life went. The weak get nothing, whilst the strong get power, and whatever. She couldn’t go back to being lonely like she did when she was younger, and hanging out with the loser squad. But being lonely back then was so stupidly tough, so it was better than nothing. Did they even care about her? She may have felt bad for leaving them, but she convinced herself, that it was for the best to leave them, they couldn’t ever compare to the Heathers. She’d never have to see their stupid faces again. She told herself most of this, just to keep that small voice away. The one that feels the regret of what she did, leaving them in the dark.

She just cut that bullshit from her head, that’s what being strong was after all.

She really needed to shut up, that should quiet the thoughts.

* * *

School was, real fun for her. Not getting enough sleep was not the greatest way to start off the morning. And Chandler being more of a bitch than usual didn’t help with the small temper that she kept to herself. Oh if she could just punch that stupid cocky smile on her face she would, but that’s not where she wants to go. She was her friend, even if she can be a real bitch. It was normal for friends to not be perfect. Even if everyone else puts her on a pedestal and acts like her flaws don’t exist, it was... fine.

 ~~Why did she act so much like Hunter?~~ _Shut up._

Chandler could never be like that bastard of a brother to Duke. After all, Hunter never showed a shred of remorse or even acted like he cared. She had shown to care, sometimes, so, it was a bad comparison... She was sure Chandler wasn’t like Hunter, since she’s said that she cared.

She meant it. ~~Hopefully.~~

The rest of the day went as well as it should’ve. Which was good, considering they were at the top. She was a Heather, so no one even cared to notice how tired she looked. Not that it was very noticeable in the first place, but the only person who actually noticed, was Mac. She was just one to notice the little things, like how she looked like she could fall asleep at any moment, and how much she yawned. Duke just said that she had a hard time sleeping, but not going over why.

Duke was never really sure why Mac cared about her so much, but then again, Mac was always really friendly to both her and Heather. It seemed... weird. Compared to how Chandler treated Duke, she was surprised Mac never treated her like that.

It wasn’t that she thought Mac would be rude to her, it’s just... how the Heathers were seen. No one actually saw them as friends who cared about eachother. They were just seen as some hot girls, or the popular kids, or whatever. No one could care less in high school.

“Uhhh, Heather, can you- um...” Chandler asked vaguely, whilst pointing to the piece of text.

“Oh, yeah sure,” Duke replied casually.

Duke was used to having to read out whatever she needed to read, since she had dyslexia. Chandler did always get embarrassed about having to have someone else read it out to her, but all the words just, confused her. Duke never minded, it didn’t bother her all that much, and at least she wasn’t being a bitch like usual. And she felt that she was helpful for once, and that was nice. At least that’s one good thing she can do.

She actually felt like she fit in with everyone, and was normal. She’d always felt like she was a misfit, and sometimes a bit lonely. But, at least now she could enjoy it for the time being.

Well too bad it didn’t last too long before shit happened. Before she happened.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh no duke.... you have so much more coming for ya-
> 
> tumblr: @um-l0l


End file.
